Sue, the author of Praise and Coffee blog posted a set of survey questions for married women like me. It has been two days since I last read this, but it's only now that I could post my answer due to busy-ness. Now that I'm in my blogging mode, I shall try to answer them with whole honesty and propriety. If you wish to share your answers, either leave a comment or direct me to your site where you have posted your answers. I would love to know your thoughts on these.
1. How would you rate your marriage on a scale of 1-10?
(1 being poor, not much partnership, 10 being that he's your best friend and things are great)
I say we're 8. We may argue about a lot of things, but when it's time to put our acts together and do our responsibilities to our family, we really are a team. Even if I share with him things that he does not agree with, I am confident that our different views will not change his commitment to our marriage. 8 not 10 because I feel our communication pattern still has a room for improvement.

2. Is making your marriage better a high priority to you?
Yes. I believe praying for our marriage first before anything else plays a big part in what we have accomplished as a couple so far. Prioritizing the betterment of our marriage is God's will.

3. Do you resent your husband? Why?
There were times when I resented him for not meeting my expectations, usually those we have not discussed thoroughly. But after a good talk, I get freed from any ill-feelings instantaneously.

4. Do you like your husband's friends? Yes! They become my brothers and sisters. Some officemates though act differently when I'm around, but that does not hinder me from extending myself to them. my husband's real friend would definitely like me as a friend, too.

5. What are some of the top things you would like to change about your marriage? (Please don't say "my husband") Just teasing!
If I could, I would add few months of just being the two of us before my first pregnancy. I do not regret having ST, but it would have been great to have a period in an intimate relationship when you have less competition for attention. Even a fetus can be a big time competition, not in a bad way though.
6. How often do you eat dinner together? Every night, unless I get really sleepy or hungry, or he calls to say he’ll eat in the office to finish an overtime work.

7. Do you work outside the home? No, not yet. We agreed to go back to work when my son ZT turns 1. He is one now, so as soon as we find a new apartment, I will start checking the ads again.

8. Who does the chores in the home? I and our housemaids

9. What is your favorite thing to do together with your husband? I love prayer walking, watching movie (be it in theater or just on the sofa in front of our 13-inch tv), discussing (even if it turns passionate sometimes), shopping, doing groceries, serving in the church (especially when I sing back-up for him during Sunday praise and worship), just lazing on the coach, and serving the kids (praying, story-telling, tucking them to bed, singing, dancing, playing, watching tv, and many more) with him.

10. How's the bedroom life? Let me be more specific...are you happy with where it's at and would you say your husband is happy with it? Let’s just rate this, from 1 to 10 where 1 is lowest and 10 is highest, I say we are having an 8. With kids around, sometimes the go becomes wait, and wait means let’s try tomorrow, Lord willing!

11. Have you ever gone to a marriage conference together? No. But we have had several marriage sessions with our friends in the church handled by our pastor and wife.

12. Is your husband a Christian? Are you? We are both Christians and actively serving God in our family and church.

13. If you are and he is not, how does he feel about your faith? Irrelevant


The last two questions are what I wish you could share from your end.

14. Is there anything I can pray for you and your husband? your marriage?
15. Do you have a testimony regarding any areas of marriage which I could feature in my blog which will encourage other couples?

For this meme, I would like to appreciate the faithful hosting of Sue in her cozy coffee shop blog of Praise and Coffee. Indeed, my stop-over was a moment of Refueling, Refreshing, and Restoring... from my personal battle on discontentment and boredom. I praise God for your ministry, Sue.

At Praise and Coffee, being thankful and forgiving were the two elements in marriage that were put on the spotlight. These two are things that God has been dealing well in my marriage. And though I have graduated from being too self-absorbed, the Lord remains faithful to deal the remnants of this ugly past.

THANKFULNESS

I am blessed that God made it is easier for me to be thankful for the marital bliss I am experiencing in my married life of 3 years (and counting). It is not the perfect bliss, but by God's grace, I see whatever marital state we are in as an opportunity for learning, thus, a blessing. I thank God that we are becoming more and more the teammates who pursue God's purpose for our family in the light of the Great Commission. I believe that when we get to know God's love and undeserving grace, and look at our husbands as our co-beneficiary of the same, it will not be too difficult to thank God for our man. Also, when we choose to be thankful to God for our marriage, we will begin to see the Author of the knot that binds us and His purpose for our union. It is a choice, a matter of perspective. We can choose to look at our Father and believe that in our obedience there is blessing, or look at the ugliness of our marriage and wallow in pity, a downhill to hopelessness and depression. I have seen how others chose the latter and suffered so much in their marriages. Ungratefulness springs out from a proud heart that says, I am the good one and he is the bad one. Sadly, the proud spouse neglect to see his/her own share of garbage in the marriage, and fall prey at the lies that his/her life will become better with a new partner. I can also testify of God's favor to those who, even being married to difficult men, chose to be thankful for their husbands. My mom is one of them, and I just treasure her example of obedience to God through acceptance and thankfulness. She said, to choose otherwise will just make her a bitter-looking hag. That is just the cruelest thing you can do to yourself.

Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thes. 5:18

FORGIVENESS

I think there is nothing more fatal than unforgiveness. It waters down all the good things that there is in life. It chokes your spiritual life like the seed thrown in a thorny ground. It dampens the Christian life which God intends to be abundant, joyful and full.

"...bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if someone happens to have a complaint against anyone else. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also forgive others." Col. 3:13

Forgiveness is a command which God gave us to free us from the shackles of sin. Unforgiveness is a sin. We have to agree with the Father that when we hold grudge against our husbands, when we want to strike back, when we do not want to let go of the painful memory caused by our spouse, we sin. And the Bible says,

"Whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven will also forgive you your sins.” Mark 11:25

"But if you do not forgive others, your Father will not forgive you your sins." Matt. 6:15

God designed marriage for us to experience His love. But when a spouse has an unforgiving heart, just like any sin, the flow of God's favor is blocked. Bitterness breeds in the heart of the unforgiving. The longer it sits in your heart, it eats you up like the termites in the basement that will crumble down a palace in due time. Forgiveness is a decision that can be done by God's grace alone. Let us not attempt to do this on our own strength.

"Now without faith it is impossible to please him..." Heb. 11:6a

Thankulness and forgiveness are marriage savers. If done consistently and by faith, we can save ourselves from unnecessary heartaches that may derail us from doing the main thing - the great commission. When our marriages are free from selfishness and pride, that is when we can participate in the Kingdom task. The couple is one in the sight of God. But, individually, we are accountable before God as a spouse, a parent, and as a child created for His use. Let us free ourselves by choosing to give thanks in everything, and forgiving those who trespass us especially the flesh of our flesh and bone of our bones, our better whole.